My Last Words to You
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: These are my last words to you, Mum, the last you will ever receive from me, and it's not enough time. It will never be enough time to say all the things I need to, but just know this one thing: I love you, and I always have, and I always will, until the very end./Andromeda gets one last letter from her daughter.


_**Written for the 'Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition' Round 8: The Black Family, using prompts: sleepless, tap on the window, and "Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die."-Herbert Hoover. **_

_**Written for the 'If You Dare Challenge' by Slytherin Cat, using prompt # 78, to the end. **_

_**Written for the 'Ten times Ten Challenge' by Utlaga, using Adjective: automatic. **_

_**Written for the 'Flower Language Challenge' by Sweet Bitter Life, using **__**Moss (Bryopsida): Maternal love. **_Write about a mother's love.

….

"_Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die."-Herbert Hoover. _

"_The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children."-Jessica Lange_

….

Andromeda had spent many sleepless nights waiting for her daughter, many nights over the last twenty-five years spent awake long into the night, until the sun rose and Nymphadora came home. Andromeda would always laugh at Nymphadora's teasing, pretending like she wasn't so affected by being separated from her sister, but would still hold in a sigh when she looked out the window to see her daughter darkening their doorstep. She never waited for Ted, her sweet, dear husband-it had become a bit of a joke among the three of them (it was always the three of them, it was only ever the three of them) that Andromeda never waited for Ted, but she always waited for Nymphadora, no matter how long she had to sit by the window.

(_And Ted's gone now, isn't he? You've got no need to ever wait for him again. He's just another name on a stone, another face shown briefly in the Muggle papers, and now he's gone forever, just as forgotten as he always was. You loved him, your darling Ted, but you loved your daughter even more than that. Ted knew-anyone could see it just by looking at you, seeing the desperate way you clung to her, trying to keep her young and pure and innocent for as long as you could, until she was just too big to be hidden away, and you gave her up. But still, Ted came second to your daughter, and now that's he gone, all you can do is wait._)

No, she would wait patiently for Nymphadora to come home, as she always did, as she always would. Andromeda would wait by the door for her daughter to come back home, her brown hair hanging in her eyes, that half-smile faintly tugging at her lips as she moved to hug her mother. If she could just get Nymphadora back, Andromeda might even be willing to be polite to her daughter's husband, Remus, if it meant she would hear the familiar sounds of her daughter running into the gate, stubbing her toes on the rock path. Andromeda would wait, as she always would, for her daughter-she would wait until the day Andromeda died, and then she would wait some more, because Nymphadora was her daughter, and except for the infant next to her, sleeping in his cot, there was no one more important to Andromeda than her only child, her brave, clumsy daughter.

Andromeda sighed, getting up from her seat, moving to wash her hands in the sink, wishing she had had the backbone to tell her daughter no when Nymphadora had come bursting into the cottage, looking for her cloak, her wand, for Remus. Andromeda wished she had found the strength to tell Nymphadora she _couldn't _go to Hogwarts and fight the Death Eaters-she was a mother now, and it was her duty to stay alive for her child. But, Andromeda could only stand and point out each and every little thing her daughter asked for, following her around, and asking her when she'd be back; she'd be back, of course, there were simply no other options that Andromeda could ever dare live with. She loved her daughter, Andromeda did, and she didn't think it was possible to ever lose someone so close to you, when you loved them so much.

(_How much did you love Ted, though, who was cruelly murdered for no reason other than being a Muggleborn? How much did you love Narcissa and Bellatrix, who turned their backs on you as you ran away with Ted, ready to start your new life, but confused and conflicted about the one you were leaving behind? How much did you love your cousin Sirius, who never tried to see you after you were disowned, who was reckless and idiotic, and died without ever saying good-bye to you? How much do you love Nymphadora, truly? How much do you think the Death Eaters will truly care about the fact that you love her, when they'll be focused on torturing her in every imaginable way?) _

There was a tap on the window, and Andromeda looked up to see a brown owl fluttering just outside her window, letter clutched in its beak. Behind her, Teddy was stretching loudly, little baby yawns escaping from his mouth, and Andromeda rocked his cot once more before getting up to let the bird in, who was appearing to become impatient; the owl hooted indignantly twice, dropping the letter on her chair before taking off through the window once more, leaving behind a slightly startled Andromeda, who was not used to such ruffled owls. She picked up the letter, curious, and smiled when she saw it was from her daughter, and was probably only a few hours old, judging from the wax. She peeled it open, curious.

_May 1__st__, 1998, 11.15 pm, Hogwarts Castle, North Wing_

_Dear Mother, _

_I write to you from the barricaded walls of Hogwarts, as Remus shoots spells at our enemies, and I write as quickly as possible to you, my pen scratching and blotting the words horribly. My words are barely legible, no doubt, but should you manage to decipher this, I have no doubt your grief shall be imminent and automatic-I would feel the same, should something ever happen to you, or Remus, or Teddy-but it is not you who I am losing, but you who are losing me. Mother, I wish I could say that we will win this fight, and that we will come out the other side victorious and declared war heroes; Mother, I wish I was still young enough to sit in your lap and believe that the world is a better place. But I am twenty-five now, Mother, and that is much too old to be foolish-I know I will not make it out of this alive. I know, I know, it's an awful thing to say-something I wouldn't be saying if I didn't truly believe it. It's true, though, Mother, I'm not coming back. I'm sorry. _

_Please, Mother, do not cry too hard for me, when they bring me back. You will want to, no doubt, as you bury your only daughter, but I hope you can remain as strong as the woman I have always remembered, the woman who stood tall as she said good-bye to me on the train station all those years, and that you can stay as brave as the woman who let go of my hands as I said "I do" to my husband. Please, for Teddy's sake, for Remus' sake, stay strong, Mother, when they bring my body back. I do not expect to make it much longer-this is my final message of sorts, my final say, words from beyond the grave, and I am writing to you with haste, to the end, until the very end, when there is just no more time to speak, but still so many things to say. Things about how you were so very wonderful to me, even when you thought you were just failing at everything; things like how much I appreciated it when you brushed my hair at night, or when you held my hand on my first day of primary school. There's just so many things to say, but no time._

_Mother, Mother, oh, my dear, sweet Mother-oh, I am so sorry that I was not able to say good-bye in person! Only twenty-five, yet it is my time to go, and I shall surely miss you more than any other, Mother, the woman who raised me to be strong, to walk with eyes wide open and see the world in a different way. I've been a horrible daughter all these years, and suddenly, it's far too easy to see the pain I have caused you, the pain I will be causing you for some time to come. You were obsessed with me, Mother, and I ran away from you, not realising your obsession was just the sort of thing that all mothers feel-the sort of thing I might have grown to feel for Teddy, had I been given enough time. Please, Mother, I know you don't care for Remus, but please, please, please take care of him and Teddy when I'm gone, please keep them safe and sound. _

_I'm sorry that this will be the last thing I ever say to you, the last words you ever get from me-and I can't even be there to tell you I love you in person. Because it's true, you know: I do love you, so very much, and I'm sorry, Mother….I'm sorry, Mum, for leaving you in this situation, for leaving you in this world that requires you to take care of a baby and continue each day as if I never even existed. I'm sorry that I can't be there to hug you good-bye and kiss you on the cheek, as we recall our best moments together, holding hands until the very end. But it's just me and Remus, separated by mere feet-and I know only one of us can survive, but Teddy's at least got you to be his mum, and he needs his dad as well. I'm sorry, Mum, I really am. _

_And I love you, as I always have. As I always will, until the very end, because you're my mother, and I can't do anything but love you, the woman who raised me and cared for me. The woman who guided me and taught me right from wrong, who taught me that our family-our house-does not solely define who we are. The woman who taught me to laugh, who taught me to cry, who taught me how to stand in silence, and to run faster than the rabbits in our backyard. I love you, Mum, because there are just no other words to describe how hard this will be, letting you go forever. I love you, I love you, I love you and I hope you will remember that, when they bring back my body, when Teddy says a cruel word to you, when it just gets too hard to wake up every morning. I hope you will always remember:_

_I love you. _

_Your daughter, _

_Nymphadora Lupin (Tonks) _

There was another note attached to Nymphadora's letter, written in a different hand, quickly and messily, as if Nymphadora's letter had been found in her hand, and a postscript hastily added by a stranger who didn't know Nymphadora at all, who didn't know how beautiful she was when she smiled, or how strong she looked when she fought. _Mrs. Tonks, I am sorry to inform you of the death of your daughter, Nymphadora Andrea Lupin, and her husband, Remus John Lupin. Their bodies can be found at Hogwarts Castle, and remaining family members are welcome to collect them as soon as possible. My deepest condolences-Martin Green. _Something inside of Andromeda screamed as she imagined her daughter and her son-in-law, lying just inches apart, faces frozen in the same look of horror and fear, but also silent acceptance, as they waited for the calm end. She gasped, holding back the scream that threatened to pour out of her mouth. She held back screams and looked out the window with shaking hands, crying.

Andromeda cried like she never had before; the tears had not come so easily when she buried what was left of her husband. They had certainly not come as easily as she had walked her daughter to the edge of her property, part of her subconsciously aware this might be the last time she ever saw her beautiful daughter, the last time she could ever look Remus in the eye and wonder if she would ever trust him, like Nymphadora seemed to. She was not easily moved to tears, but as she clutched the letter in her fingers, paper crumpling in her hand, Andromeda cried loudly, sinking to the floor and sobbing, wondering how this could have happened to her. How it was always her that lost everyone she loved-Ted, Bellatrix, Nymphadora, Narcissa. Everyone one of them, gone, and she was still left behind with the baby, who was crying loudly in his cot, awoken by Andromeda's gulping sobs that filled the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around her legs, letter fluttering from her grasp, falling onto the floor, and Andromeda sobbed loudly.

She was the only one left-her and the baby.


End file.
